For the night prior to the flight, Luis and I decided to stay up all night to curb jet lag. Beforehand, I had to do the abysmally boring 4 hour drive to Fort Worth where Luis lives and then hit up the DFW for the direct flight to Tokyo. Short road trip plus the no sleep, definitely helped knock me out like a college kid at their first party on our 13-hour direct flight from DFW Airport to Narita Airport. That night, we ended up knocking a few beers back and then playing video games to help stay up. Video games, at least the good ones, are electronic equivalent of caffeine.

Around 6 AM was when we started really feeling the effects of staying up late. Any lying down led to heavy eyes and heavy sighs. Being awake for almost 24 hours does a number to your psyche; my brain could not process that a day had passed and yet the previous day seemed like ages ago in a far away land.

At any rate, we Über-ed our way to DFW Airport with plenty of time to spare. Although it didn’t last as long as the upcoming flight, it still was a deeply dreaded part: TSA. I’m being hyperbolic, it honestly was not terrible, considering the way I packed my things. Get a permanent TSA-compliant plastic bag for liquids, it’s fucking amazing, you just pop that sonvabitch out like 5 hours of constipation and you’re good to go. We probably only spent around 20-30 minutes at the TSA checkpoint. Next time, I gotta sign up for that TSA pre-check, apparently you just get yourself background check, you know to make sure you aren’t a terrorist, and then you fly through security, simple as that.

Here’s me in my lady killer traveler get up:

As you can see, fashionable neck pillow, fashionable grey thermal, fashionable UTSA sweatpants (gotta represent the alma mater), and fashionable hiking boots. To optimize the packing, I obviously wore the biggest clothing on the plane and luckily the biggest stuff was the most comfy. And now I was ready for my long long long flight to Japan.

Unfortunately, I had a middle seat on the flight, literally the worst seat you can get in economy. To counter that pain, I was dead tired and was ready to go pass out. I kept getting close to sleeping, but I had to wait until the plane reached a cruising altitude so I could recline the chair back. I decided to play Tetris on little entertainment system they had. I’m fucking amazing at Tetris; as far as I’m concerned, the only good that’s come out of Russia’s Trump-stained asshole is Tetris. Your high score gets recorded and compares you to other players on the flight. You can choose your nickname to enter in the score AND before you think I put my name and 420blazeit69, you will be deeply disappointed. Quick exposition moment, whenever the pilot goes on the intercom, they pause your entertainment system and the words “PA In Progress” pop on the screen in a font that just echos killjoy; essentially the Stephen Miller of fonts. SO being the clever lil boy I am, I decided to put my high score nickname as “PA In Progress”. Whatever, I can hear you groaning, I don’t care, it’s fucking clever. Needless to says (and scout’s honor) I smoked my competition easily and was first place in all Tetris modes, despite me being awake for 24+ hours. That’s skill (or everyone else playing is absolutely terrible).

When the plane was finally at cruising altitude, I had begun my efforts to sleep away the flight. I was close to sleeping until they started handing out some meals already; one particular flight attendant was so annoyingly loud when announcing the food. She would literally scream “NOODLES OR CHICKEN? NODDLES OR CHICKEN? NOODLES OR CHICKEN?” on and on like a broken record your father swore he threw away.  Needless to say I could not go to sleep… yet. I decided to choose noodles, although I wasn’t completely aware as to why I chose it. I think I was in the superposition of awake and sleep and was incredibly suggestible. You could probably convince me that Trump is a good president in that state– well maybe not, but god damn it was a terrible feeling.

After NOODLES OR CHICKEN, I finally drifted into the dream state. It wasn’t the most restful sleep, and I’d be damned if I could tell you what I dreamt of during the short 6-7 sleep session I had. But totally worth doing to get through the flight. Ideally, I wanted 8 or 9 hours of sleep, but my body was telling me, “What the fuck are you doing, we don’t fucking do this, you’re supposed to be awake right now typing up reports at work, you fuck.” So I ended up being awake and decided to watch a movie.

I was too lazy to get my laptop from the stowed carry-on (being in the middle seat also doesn’t help at all), so I scrolled through their selection. I wanted to see if they had Westworld season 2 as I wanted to binge it, but they had some other shows I didn’t care whatsoever about. I settled on this movie called “The Death of Stalin” as Brent had told me it was hilarious. Essentially it’s about its literal title, the death of Stalin and its consequences. It was funny; tackling political power vacuums and individualism versus community and the downright absurdities of political discourse and strategies. Honestly I wanted to like it more than I did, and I only blame myself in that criticism, as I was still in lackluster cognitive functioning state.

After that, I checked in on my incredible scores on Tetris to see if I was still “Tetris King of Flight AA0175” (In hindsight, this would have been a WAY better nickname). Still held strong, except for one particular mode, marathon mode. Some fucker nicknamed “q” had moved me to second place! To my credit though, he had a bunch of top scores; he literally was listed as first place, third place, fourth, sixth, and so on. Obviously he was trying to beat my first place score, and finally accomplished it. “PA In Progress” was not having any of this bullshit, so I quickly started a new game to get back what was mine. I put in my A game and managed to successfully beat “q”, with only one try. “q” if you are reading this, getgud and get creative at making fucking nicknames dude.

I managed to sneak in one more nap before the flight was over, about an hour or so. After filling out some fun immigration and customs red tape, we had finally landed at Narita International Airport. Overall, the 13 hour flight wasn’t the worst experience in existence, but man I wish I had the capital to do first class. Those rich fucks get their own little cubby with a reclining seat, snacks, slippers, TV… ugh so much cool shit. But then again, just staying up the night before to pass out on the plane to save a bunch of cash— great strategy. Don’t let the misery of international flights get in the way of seeing the world.


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