I had 3 Pendeja Diaries half written about you. I just drove past your place on the way to dinner, and found the inspiration to finally finish one. On this Valentine’s Day, on the year I decided was going to be MY year, I want to thank you for hurting me.

 

I hadn’t been heartbroken in a long time. Not like this. I needed you to hurt me. I needed to feel vulnerable one more time. I needed to know that I am capable of letting my guard down again. It gives me hope that I’ll be able to do that again. 

 

So for that, thank you. Thank you for reminding me about the kindness I can hold for someone. I just wanted to say thank you for showing me that I’m still capable of showing emotion. The hurt reminded me that I can come close to loving someone again. 

 

Sometimes it’s comforting being reminded of you. 

 

I truly cared for you, and one day I’ll get to a point where I can hear someone talk about your home state without thinking of you. I’ll get to a point where “Summertime Magic” won’t remind me of you. There will be a day where I’ll care about someone else just like I did for you, and I’m hopeful. 

 

I passed your place, pulled into the parking lot of Rosario’s, and cried while writing this into my notes. After I left dinner, I cried on the way home while using Siri to help me finish off my notes. It was refreshing. I needed this one last cry to be rid of you. I needed this one last cry to finally get all my feelings out. It took me a few months to finally find the words. To finally stop wondering if you’re going to one day change your mind about me. I’m at peace with it now.  I’ve made peace with my heartbreak.

 

On this Valentine’s Day, I’m not bitter, I’m not sad. 

 

I’m ready to get hurt again. 

 

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