There are two reactive sides to being independent. The first: people think it’s really cool that you can do things on your own. The other: people get weirded out that you can do things on your own. I think I’ve dealt with the latter more times than I can count.

I pride myself on being independent. After my first breakup, I spent almost a year of being completely single. I didn’t care to date anyone else because of the heartbreak I experienced. I’m so glad that I took the time I needed to be completely okay with being by myself.


I’ve talked to guys that think it’s really weird that I can go to a movie or concert by myself. My own dad doesn’t like that I do things by myself, but I have to continually remind him that if I didn’t do things by myself, I wouldn’t be able to do anything at all.[1]


Most of my friends are in relationships, and I’m totally okay with being third wheel. But I also understand that they’re going to go and do “couple things” that won’t involve me.

I’m constantly finding cool things to do in San Antonio that would be really cool date nights. Whether it’s a movie in the park, adult night at the DoSeum, or a new restaurant to try out. I’m thankful that I do have a few single friends that are down to be my date for the night, but if I didn’t have them, I would go by myself. I don’t want to look back on these times and regret not doing anything just because I didn’t have anyone to go with.


My solita adventure debut was a home opener Spurs game. My ex and I broke up in April of 2014, right before the Spurs won the 2014 championship. I remember really wanting to go to game 5 when we won, but no one would go with me. I didn’t know how to do things by myself just yet, and it will go down as the one thing I will alway regret in my life. After a summer of trying to figure my love life out, I promised myself that when the Spurs got their rings at the beginning of the next season, I’d be there. Months later, I kept that promise. I bought nosebleed seats right next to where the banner would be unveiled. I ended up sitting next to a woman who was also there by herself. She said that this was the first season that she only bought one season ticket since her husband had passed away. We talked the entire game and she even encouraged me to go solita to more games and sit next to her.

Everything I did solo that next year was a great experience. Seeing Stevie Wonder was on my bucket list, so when he came into town, I bought a 10th row ticket and ended up sitting next to a handsome man that just moved to San Antonio. When I flew to Chicago by myself for the first time, I sat next to a man that flipped houses and had a son that sounded like the male version of me.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is a struggle at first, but it’s definitely worth it. If I can offer one bit of advice, learn to do things on your own. In the long run, it’s going to be better for you. As cliche as it sounds, I believe people need to learn to be completely single before getting into a relationship. You need to be able to feel okay if a person decides they don’t want to be in your life.  If you’re able to enjoy yourself, life is going to be a little bit easier for you.

[1] Obviously, my dad is just being a protective dad and gets worried that I go places by myself. Thankfully, ya girl knows Krav Maga and can kick some ass if needed.


Share This