Pendeja Diaries is a series of articles written by me, Alissa Perez, certified third wheel, seasoned veteran solita, former serial dater, and currently a jaded romantic. You can hear all about my dating history in the podcast I co-host, Late Night Swipes. I’ve dated a ridiculous amount of shitty men to the point that I’m actually amazed that there are so many terrible people out there. I share a lot of these stories in the podcast, but feel like I could give a better narrative through writing. There are so many things that I still don’t get when it comes to dating, but I’m hoping that these articles will help me shed a little light on different topics. Feel free to comment with any insight or share any feedback with me on Twitter – @alissaphoto. Enjoy!

After four years of being single, I’ve found myself in the middle of being a dumb bitch plenty of times. I’m not talking about the fact that I’m constantly putting myself in awkward situations. For example, I’m the queen at saying dumb things to guys, like the time I fake gagged when a handsome guy said he graduated high school in 2007. Why’d I do it? I couldn’t tell you, it just happened, and it’s become a running joke with my friends. Anyways, I’m talking about being a dumb bitch in the sense of letting a guy mess with my emotions. I feel like I’ve found myself in the same situation with different guys multiple times. It’s the same old story – guy treats me like a girlfriend, but says he doesn’t want a girlfriend. Then we’ll have “the talk” about it, I respect it and hold back, yet homeboy will continue to treat me like a girlfriend. After happening time and time again, I decided I needed to make a change. I had to become more vocal, but also more guarded. I had to learn to stand up for myself, and realize that things aren’t going to change. It was pretty rough the first couple of times because I don’t ever want to think every dude is the same, so I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. I’d ignore red flags and hope for the best, but alas, it was always the same.[1]

So with this knowledge, I’ve tried to help other girls from making the same pendeja mistakes. The crazy thing is, on numerous occasions where a guy has done this to one of my friends, it always works out in the end! For example, Friend #1 met this dude on the St. Mary’s strip[2] and was immediately smitten. Even after running into him with other girls when he had told her he doesn’t want to be dating anyone, there she was. He would pull the typical dudebro move of calling her at 2am to come over, and she’d run straight to him. Homeboy wouldn’t even want to be seen in public with her and didn’t want to hang with her when he was in her area. With every red flag being slapped in her face, she stuck around, and a year later, Mr. Runaround finally gave in and they’re dating. Friend #2 has waited YEARS for a guy to give her a chance. She stuck around while he dated other girls, waiting for the day they’d break up and he’d give her attention again. We watched as she cried over him on numerous occasions. It even got to a point where she lost a bunch of friends because they wanted better for her. We were all hopeful when she finally said she was over trying with him and found another love interest. But in typical douchebag fashion, once he saw her move on,[3] he dug his claws back into her, and now they’re together.

So the real question: Are we supposed to stick around and put up with bullshit while these idiot men decide months or years down the line that they’ll give us a shot? I know damn well that I don’t have that kind of energy to put up with being mistreated for that long, but for other women it comes so easily. Is this patience on the woman’s part or settling on the man’s part? Should we really have to wait for guys to have their fun and then decide they want to finally be with us? Have I made the mistake by not waiting?

These are the questions that I think about as I’m dancing cumbias by myself while all my friends are coupled up dancing and making out around me. Personally, I think the guy is settling. I’m not sure if it’s me being bitter, but I firmly believe that if a guy wants to be with you, he’ll be with you. My best friend has always told me that the beginning of a relationship should be the fun part, it shouldn’t be all this drama. So, why are women putting themselves through this? With all the dating apps readily available, there’s always another guy to take an indecisive man’s spot. But will this mentality be the reason I’m single4lyf?

Who’s the real pendejx in this situation?


[1] Now before someone brings it up, I already completely understand that if the same thing kept happening to me then there’s a strong possibility that it’s something I’m doing.

[2] Word to the wise, never fall in love on the St. Mary’s strip

[3] and he was finally single

 

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