I’m in shock that I made it to 30 without a single breakdown leading up to my birthday. I was so ready for it! I had told myself right before 2020 started that it was going to be MY year and I planned to do everything that I had always wanted to do.
2020 started off strong! I spent just about every weekend out of town. I finally went to go visit family in Mexico, I went to concerts out of town with friends, and spent some time visiting those that don’t live in town. I had planned to attend a wedding in Vegas and go skydiving in Hawaii. I was even going to go on my very first cruise. That is until Miss ‘Rona decided to make her appearance.
Up until about then, I never realized how much of an extrovert I truly was. Being stuck in your house for weeks is tough. I hate not being able to see my friends, I hate not being able to sit on the deck at Sanchos, and I hate that I can’t hold my baby cousins. At first it felt like I was in mourning. I had to cancel all the plans I had made and adjust to staying my ass at home.
But the best thing that this has done for us all is it has allowed us to slow our lives down a bit. I’ve had a lot of time to think. I’m learning a lot about myself and I’m coming to terms with things I didn’t want to acknowledge. I realized that I kept myself busy because I didn’t want to deal with my own demons. I needed to spend a lot of time with my friends because I have to express my feelings to people I 100% trust. I had put off throwing away things from my past because I wanted to hold onto something that once brought me joy. This quarantine has made me face everything that I didn’t want to.
Because I’ve been able to do a lot of self reflection recently, I wanted to share with you my new birthday resolutions for the upcoming year.
Get rejected more
I’m not going to lie, I stole this one. A couple years ago, Brian and I were at a bar in Austin after a long day at ACL. Brian shared something with me that really made me think. He said that he wanted to get rejected more. Baffled, but intrigued, I asked him to explain. In short, he said that if you go into a situation knowing you’re going to get hurt, it will be less painful because it was expected. His explanation made a lot of sense to me, but I’ve always had a fear of rejection and it’s been hard for me to overcome that. But with all the thinking I’ve been doing lately, I’m learning what truly scares me. I need to start confronting these fears. I need to put myself in situations that will allow me to face this fear, and experience rejection. This is the only way to really grow. Because who knows, I may end up being pleasantly surprised. I’ve never forgotten about that conversation because I knew years ago that I needed to do that too, but I wasn’t ready. Now, I’m finally ready to face that and any other fears that I’ve learned about myself.
Redo my spaces
Not my actual MySpace page (RIP to MySpace), but it’s important to have a clean space that’s all yours. I’m not even going to bullshit you guys, I definitely have my moments where I’m a complete slob. My life right before all this stay at home stuff was super hectic, and my room totally reflected that. Since being at home, I’ve done a lot of much needed deep cleaning. My ass even got on the floor to scrub baseboards. I’ve noticed that just having a clean room really does help me relax and feel better. I’m even planning on buying new furniture and just resetting my life in as many ways as I can. It’s important to have an area that is just yours. You can even make your little work from home station yours. Add things that make you happy! Just look around you and see what you can do to switch it up.
Less Sad Girl and Más Chingona
I’ve spent the past 6 years single, and in that time, I feel like I’ve developed this brand as being the sad, single girl. But the truth is, I’m not sad. I really enjoy being single! I have gone through all kinds of shitty stuff with guys, and I’ve gone through my moments of being really jaded, but I’ve overcome a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have moments where I may get emotional about being single, but it doesn’t last very long. It’s just annoying that I can’t go to a bridal shower without someone’s tia telling me that she feels sorry for me because I don’t have a man. Or when a friend gets drunk at a bar and tells me that she prays I’ll find a man. At the end of the day, I truly am happy. And I’m going to continue to do whatever I need to do to make sure I am happy. I’m 30. I don’t have the energy anymore to deal with bullshit. I can’t afford anymore gray hairs due to unnecessary stress. So I’m rebranding myself! No more retweeting stuff that will make people think I’m sad being single.
As I look ahead at the next decade of my life. I know that it’s going to be filled with lots of happy moments. It’s going to bring a lot of big moments in my life and a lot of huge changes. I can’t wait to see what happens, but first let me work through a few things. I encourage you all to take this quarantine time as a time of self reflection because who knows when we’ll get this opportunity again. Think about what you really want and tackle it.