I was just about to go on another dating cleanse when a guy on Bumble used his time extension.[1] Anytime a guy does this, I will always give him a second look and usually send him a message. His profile said that he loved the Spurs and he was pretty handsome, so I decided to go ahead and message him.

We hit it off right away. It was really crazy how quickly conversation flew and how comfortable he made me feel. I thought that I had finally met a decent guy. I’ve heard stories of people meeting “the one” as soon as they were about to delete dating apps, so that’s what I thought was going to happen here. I was really hopeful. I had told my friend Ashlee about it, and about how I really need to learn how to let my guard down if I ever wanted the chance at a real relationship.

The first time he text me, I texted my friend Erik right away telling him that Valley Boy had KILLED it with his first text. Erik agreed that it was pretty perfect and wished me luck with him. I was leaving to Vegas for a few days, and he assured me that when I got back he’d take me on date right away. Everything seemed to align so perfectly.

I finally came back from Vegas and we immediately set up a day to hang out. We would text day and night, and conversation seemed to be perfect. I truly felt like he was interested. I got good morning text every morning, and good night texts every night. He seemed genuinely interested in everything I was doing throughout the day. If something bothered me, we could talk it out and he would hear out where I was coming from. I was trying really hard to be honest and open when it came to my feelings because I knew that was what ruined things in the past. I just finally just felt like I had met someone different. Until one day, he got upset with me because I told him I was annoyed with our conversation.[2] He told me that he was an adult and that I needed to treat him like one. That pissed me off, and I let him know. He said that my “I’m over this conversation” response came out of nowhere, and when I tried to explain how it didn’t come out of nowhere, he kept arguing. I should’ve stopped talking to him right there and then, but I tried to be hopeful since he did take the time to talk it out with me.

The day of our date came, and I was still pretty excited

I arrived at his place[3] and he wouldn’t even look at me. I had a million thoughts going through my head. All negative. I immediately became uncomfortable. He barely even greeted me – no hug, no handshake, not even a wave. We had already planned to go workout together, so I just decided to stick it out. As we’re in the car, he starts playing different songs asking if I knew who sang it, and when I’d be honest and tell him no, he’d laugh and make me feel like I was dumb for not knowing who an artist like “Logic” is. The kicker really came when he put on a Shakira song, and told me that I don’t know anything about reggaeton because I “don’t speak Spanish.” I could not have rolled my eyes back further when he said that. First off, who the fuck can’t pick out a Shakira song on the radio? She as one of the most distinct voice of all time. Secondly, you don’t need to know Spanish to listen to reggaeton. Third, fuck him.

Once we’re at the gym, he asked what I wanted to work on that day, so I responded with, “legs.” When I said that, I may have well just told him that I wanted to bench press a fucking truck because he looked at me like I was stupid. He asked me about 3 more times to make sure I wanted to have leg day. While we were working out, he told me I had really good form and asked me if I was actually a personal trainer. Any other day, this would have been a big boost to my ego, but the way he asked me made me feel otherwise. It wasn’t complimentary at all. His tone made it seem like I had duped him. He asked, “Are you sure you aren’t a personal trainer and just lied to try and impress me?” 1. Who the hell would lie about being a personal trainer? My chubby ass would love nothing more than to actually like to work out. 2. The last place I’m trying to impress someone is in the gym.

We get back in the car after working out for over an hour[4], and it’s time to find some place to eat. I ask him for suggestions since we’re in his territory, but he throws out recommendations like “Whataburger” and “Panda Express.” Since retelling this story to my friends, they’ve all told me that it seems like I wasn’t worth more than a fast food meal. That wasn’t how I felt at the time because ya girl could always eat a Whataburger. He finally suggested “Fuego,[5]” and off we went. I assumed that we would sit down and eat, but he went through the drive thru. Again, no biggie, not a red flag to me.

We get back to his place and one of his roommates is there. They start talking and he doesn’t introduce me. It’s whatever because I have no problem introducing myself to someone, but they never stopped talking and even turned away from me to continue with their conversation. I just grabbed my food and started eating. The roommate finally leaves, and it’s just us alone again. We start making small talk, and I ask him about his roommates. He tells me that they’ve known each other since Pre-K and tells me stories of their childhood. It was pretty cute, so the conversation stays on the topic of them. This is when the red flags start to wave in my face. He starts telling me that his friends have no game when it comes to women. He goes on to say that they don’t know how to talk to girls and that he’s the only one that even tries to meet girls. He proceeds by telling me the advice he gives them about talking to girls and even how to “catch” her. As he’s telling me every game from his playbook, I’m realizing that this is exactly the kind of things he told me. He was telling me exactly how he played me! He was saying things like, “Sometimes you have to be a dick, but then be sweet and tell the girl know that you care about her,” which gave me instant flashbacks to the altercation we got into before. Or “Girls love when you text them ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’.” I won’t go into more[6] because we don’t need to continue with this cycle.

I was in such disbelief that he told me exactly how he hooked me. He really thought he had women figured out, and he did until he told me all about it. Rookie mistake.

A part of me didn’t want to believe it because at this point, I still had not realized that certain things throughout the day bothered me.[7] I ended up staying a little longer and watched 2 movies with him. During the first movie, we sat on different parts of the couch and would only talk to discuss things happening in the movie. As soon as that movie finished, we caught another movie on HBO right at the beginning. At this point, he moved closer, but there was still no physical contact. We start joking about random things[8] and he ends up moving even closer. At that point, I decided that I’d test the waters and reach for his hand – real middle school style. And just like in middle school, it was that awkward, frozen hand holding that feels forced. He then lays his head on my head a couple times for about a minute, and then that stops. At this point, I could just tell that he wasn’t feeling it. I pull a “stretch move,” so I can move myself a little away from him. Kat finally texts me that she’s heading home, and I immediately jump up to let him know that I’m leaving.

He walks me to my car, and then it feels like he’s doing everything he can to stall me from leaving. We continue to talk, I give him a hug, and before I leave, he tells me to text him when I get to Austin.

The drive to Austin gave me enough time to digest everything that happened. I started recounting events that made me realize I spent way too much time around someone that made me feel so uncomfortable. Then when I get to Austin and I start retelling Kat certain parts, she tells me that he sounds like an asshole and I realize how dumb I had been. But still being a little hopeful, I decide to text him to let him know that I made it to Austin.

I don’t hear from him for a few more hours. Which was unusual because we would text all day. I didn’t make a big deal about it, and continued on with my night. He finally texts me back asking how the concert is, and after a couple of exchanges, I don’t hear from him again.

I wake up the next morning, and still haven’t heard anything from him. By this time, I’ve come to terms with not talking to him anymore. On the ride home from Austin, I get stuck in 3 patches of traffic that make my commute even longer. Since I’m still on a Sam Smith high from the night before, I decided that I’ll just put his songs on shuffle. I’m listening to his lyrics and doing some self reflecting in the process.[9]

Over 24 hours go by before I hear from him again. His first text to me was a, “Hey you.” The type of text you send when trying to creep back into someone’s life after disappearing. I left him on read with the first message because I was very over him at this point.

I could tell from the way he responded that he was exactly the person I thought he was from our first altercation. I felt like there was some manipulation in his text in the way he tried to take a dig at me. He kept trying to make me feel like I was immature when I know that it wasn’t the case.

This terrible encounter led me to decide that it was officially time to call it quits on trying to date. I deleted all my dating apps the next day, and haven’t looked back since. After years of trying dating apps on and off again, I think I’m finally done using them. Those apps are literally set up as  game, so it’s no wonder that I keep getting played. My friends make fun of me anyways because they say that I only date when I’m on breaks from work, so I guess this dating cleanse will last until Thanksgiving break.


[1]Time extension is when a guy has another 24 hours for me to respond to his “like.” Bumble gives women 24 hours to respond to guys, and if a girl doesn’t respond a guy can just his time extend to get him another 24 hours.

[2]The conversation leading up to my comment went like this:

Him: Are you sensitive?

Me: I can be, but I’ll let you know when something bothers me.
Him: *goes on to be kind of a dick*
Me: Just be nice
Him: “continues to be a dick”
Me: I’m over this conversation rn

[3] Don’t worry, I always share my location with friends and I designate a couple friends to be the ones I check in with periodically.

[4] He was actually really good as a personal trainer. I should’ve just stuck it out for that fact alone.

[5] Fuego is FUCKING DELICIOUS. I highly recommend it!

[6] Mainly because I forgot most of what he said because I wanted to punch myself in the face while he was talking.

[7] Plus I was waiting for Kat to get out of work, so I could continue on with the rest of my day as planned.

[8] We were watching Jurassic Park: Lost World, so there’s a lot to joke about.

[9] Read the Pendeja Diaries about where this self reflection led to

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